Today, I'm not feeling rosy. This place... this place is... not home. Even my home is not my home. This furniture is not mine. That crummy excuse for a bed is not mine. It just feels... foreign. Maybe that's 'cause it IS foreign. Not just the Japan part of it... but ALL of it. I'm experiencing two cultures at once. Japanese culture and Air Force culture. So many of the other spouses have done this before. I'm sure it's never easy for them, but this is WAY out of my comfort zone. We were so busy when we first arrived... getting driver's licenses, getting our house, getting stuff for the house, getting things done... but now... Devin is back to work for the most part. We're as settled in this house as we can get until our household goods arrive. So now what. Devin has work. He interacts. He has friends (or at least acquaintances) already in place at the office. Me? I'm starting from scratch.
It's a lonely feeling. I barely know anyone. What do I do with my time? What do I do with my kids' time? Where do I start? Everything is complicated by the fact that I'm still finding my way around this place. Driving on the left side of the road doesn't yet come naturally. I have to think harder about everything.
Sorry for the whining folks. I know things will get better. God has already shown me twice today that this is true. All these feelings I have are probably normal... and the good thing is, I know the truth. God is here. Just like He's in OKC. Just like He's everywhere. He's still guiding me. Opportunities will open up. I'll build relationships... friendships... that stuff just takes time. I'm just experiencing some growing pains, I guess. I know this will pass, and I'll find my "Okinawa Groove." I just wish I could get there already.
I was so optimistic and confident... before I got here. It's easy to be optimistic and confident when you're still half a world away. I cried the night we arrived. We'd gone to bed... exhausted... and I let go and cried... wondering, "Now what?"
Here's what. Day by day, this place will be more like home. I'll find my place. I'll meet people. I'll get more comfortable driving and exploring. I'll learn. I'll grow. I'll experience things I won't likely get the chance to experience again. I'll ask God to show me how He wants to use me. And He will. And there will still be "days like this," but they'll be few and far between.
(This blogging thing might just take the place of therapy!)
Love y'all!
Hi Darlin', I thought you would appreciate an Okie hello. :-) I am really sorry you are feeling so low. I fully understand how you are feeling. I remember how I felt when I went to Germany. Was in country for 3 days, and Dallas had to go to "the field" for 30. Such fun! I am really sorry. One of these days very soon, you will be so busy that the time will fly and this feeling will be a distant memory. It is never easy to leave home, but as you said, it is an experience you may never get to do again. You are a very strong woman, and you will do just fine. You have Devine hands guiding you, and it will all be great. Wish I has words, but I don't. Just know, I GET IT! Hey, at least you got to have Devin with you, and you weren't sitting in a foreign air port for over an hour waiting, and then have him walk right past you! Should have known then that I was in for a time. LOL! Anyway, keep your chin up, and all will be ok. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI know it will take some time, but God made you strong and gave you one of the best personalities of anyone I have ever met. So many people have told me after meeting you at my showers and wedding that you made an impression on them. "I really like your friend Marcie.", "How's your friend Marcie doing she's such a neat person." are just a couple of the comments. You won't have a hard time forming new relationships that will lead to activities that will occupy your time.
ReplyDeleteYou know your best friend is always with you and He will sustain you. And this friend loves you very much no matter how far away you may be.
So get out there my Homehibachi and find your groove! If anybody can it's you!
Love,
Your Homewok
I love you Mocha.
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